Every South Park Ever Online for Free (Legally!)

Taking a page out of the Hulu playbook, but awesomer, the South Park guys are streaming every single South Park episode in full at their official site, South Park Studios. What they get right: Streams are fast and vid quality is solid; every episode, from first to most recent is available (with one exception); and newer ones are uncensored. Yep, you actually get to hear your favorite childrens scream "What the fuck is going on?" in the Britney ep. Major point of suck: ads.

They're mercifully short, but you get hit with about three per episode (marked by the little white lines in the timeline), though you have a limited ability to jump around the ep to sorta avoid them. Still, they're less intrusive than the pop-ups that assault you at AllSP.com or the like. Which is probably a big part of why they're doing this—the online audience for South Park is huge, with lots of sites streaming eps and major torrent traffic. So why not get a slice of that ad revenue?

Ads are going to be a part of any free TV online equation, unfortunately. So are rights issues—for some reason the Britney ep is already available, but the first episode of the current season won't be up until April. WTF? But all in all, they get it as right as an official channel can for the time being, which looks startlingly like a glimpse at the future of TV. Update: Another reason living in Canada sucks: No access for Canadians. [South Park Studios]

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I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To

by Daniel O'Brien


I will no longer sleep with Tina Fey if she asks me to.
That’s right. I mean, the New York Times will probably be running my official “I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To” announcement sometime next week, but I wanted you, the Cracked Readers, to hear it first, and to hear it from me. Now, I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking:

Your thoughts:“Horseshit, O’Brien. Of course you will. You appreciate her smart, quirky, self-deprecating sense of humor and you can’t deny that her skin looks incredibly soft. Also, you’ve always had a thing for powerful women, particularly ones that rock sexy librarian glasses, and no one rocks them quite as hard as Tina.”

That all might be true-

Your thoughts: “It is true, God Dammit.”

Okay, alright, take it easy. You’re right. I’ll admit, at one point in my life, I most certainly would have graciously accepted Tina Fey’s generous boning invitation. There was a time, not too long ago, when all I thought about was receiving Tina Fey’s Please-Come-Over-And-Bone-Me-Silly text message late at night. “Sure thing,” I’d cooly reply. “I’ll be there soon,” I’d add, also cooly. Then I’d drive over in my 97 Nissan Sentra and I’d pop in my homemade, totally romantic Now That’s What I Call Boning Mixed CD, (it’s basically a Barry White album plus one track of me grunting while lifting weights). The rest, as they say, would be history. Ass history.

But, that is not the case anymore, Ms Fey. According to this god damn article in Reader’s Digest, Tina Fey is practically publicly begging me to ignore her late-night text messages. One of the major offenses that stuck with me was Fey pointing out the difference between male comics and female comics: “I think male comedy is more boisterous. Usually it involves robots and sharks and bears. Female comedy is more likely to be about the minutiae of human behavior and relationships.” Robots and Sharks and Bears? How many Richard Pryor jokes had “Bear” as the punch line? How many Seinfeld jokes involved sharks? (”What is the deal with constantly swimming to avoid dying? Am I Right?”) None, Tina. Stop pretending male comedy is all id-driven retard candy and female comedy is all brilliant, thought-provoking social commentary. “Female comedy is about the minutiae of human behavior and relationships”? I’d reference some hilarious female comedian to disprove your point right now, but I can’t fucking think of any.

Don’t worry. It gets worse.


As aggravated as I was to hear Tina disregarding the entire history of male comedy as juvenile, robot-obsessed frat humor, I could forgive her, because she’s a very passionate and outspoken woman, and I think it would be neat to see her naked. But then she went on to commit a most grievous sin. In the interview, Fey very subtly and very briefly calls out one Jon Stewart:

“RD: What pleases you more, applause or laughter?

Fey: Laughter. You can prompt applause with a sign. My friend, SNL writer Seth Meyers, coined the term clapter, which is when you do a political joke and people go, “Woo-hoo.” It means they sort of approve but didn’t really like it that much. You hear a lot of that on [whispers] The Daily Show.”

You thought you could outsmart us by whispering, Tina Fey, but guess what: Reader’s Digest is a magazine. (With words.) Do you have a problem with The Daily Show, Tina Fey? Do you think you’re better than The Daily Show, or that you’re funnier than Jon Stewart? I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where I’d need to choose sides in a Fey-Stewart Feud, (especially one that I’m almost entirely creating), but I can say without a doubt that I choose Stewart. The Daily Show has had some weak spots, but I am fucking thrilled that Stewart is, consciously or not, the unofficial spokesman for my generation. He’s our guy, Tina. First you shit on male comics for not being as attuned to the minutia of human behavior as female comedians (Lisa Lampanelli?), and then you’re dissing The Daily Show? Please pull your head out of your finely-toned ass long enough to hear me tell you how much sex we’re not going to have.

Loads.

I hope you can understand and, really, you brought this on yourself. You’re a funny writer and comic actress and I love 30 Rock. I love it. However, because, for some reason, you seem to believe it’s your mission to discredit and write off male comics everywhere, you and I can never have the wild, scorching love affair we’ve both been dreaming about for years. I’m sorry, but it just isn’t going to happen, not even if you beg me for it. No matter how many times you apologize and no matter how much candy you send me, you’ll just never be ‘riding the midnight meat train,’ as they say, (no one says that). I hope you can move on with your life, even though I’m pretty sure you can’t.

Speaking of Women I Never Plan on Having Sex With

Let’s see what’s new with that bitch who plays Hannah Montana. According to a recent study, a substantial amount of Hannah Montana toys contain high levels of toxic lead. It would seem poisoning our children isn’t just for the Chinese anymore. I’ve been saying it for years, people, Hannah Montana wants every American child to die horrifically. Understand, she views live children as nothing more than “abortions that got away” and, given her well-publicized status as a serial abortionist, she just thinks she’s finishing the job. I have seriously been saying that for years.

Still, this is probably a tough time for Little Miss Snakeface. Lead toys and, if you’ll recall from last week’s post, she is hilariously lonely- that’s a lot for a fifteen year old. Well, I’ve got just the thing to cure at least one of those problems, Montana. Last week, I asked the relentlessly charming and cripplingly attractive Cracked audience to post why they’d make excellent mates for you and the response was overwhelming. If none of the fine folks mentioned below meet your standards, (I can’t imagine why), I’m sure we’ll have some more hopeful suitors next week.
P.S. MetalBrainSurgery, I want that song.


“Because Mandy Moore has not yet responded to my shameless internet flirting.“-Gladstone He’s hurting, Hannah. Console him.-D.O.B.


“I for one would love to date hannah montana. i can say on our first date i certainly wouldn’t have a team of kidnappers prepared to take her, hold her for ransom (lets face it, billy ray’s gotta still be rakin in achey breaky heart dough), then upon receiving the money force montana to do my laundry(my mom made me start doing it myself last week, it’s pretty confusing) for the rest of my life instead of returning her to her throne of lies.
I also enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and music made by less than untalented tweens.” -Tim


“I’m hot, so… There’s that.

Oh right, and I love Hannah Montana and would never violate her, cut her up and send her limbs to cracked bloggers for them to do with them what they see fit.” -Maarten You’ll get paid when I get her hands, Maarten.-D.O.B.


“Not only can I cook and dance but I also have mounds of useless knowledge. Everything from Freakazoid to ham to prowrestling. I also have a comprehensive guide to old timey slang. I can even help with abortions. I mean she has at least 1 a day so why not have a part of me in what I destroy. Also being the father of the antichrist would look good on a resume.” -LoganB You’re not gonna find a better man, Montana-D.O.B.


“I’ve got candy.”-JuanitoGallo I stand corrected.-D.O.B.


“i should be hannah montana’s new boyfriend because: I am the antichrist and a close friend of cthulhu, also i am funny and smart, i know how to listen to a woman and i like to slaughter people, black magic and drugs.
we are meant to each other.
i feel like i already love her.”-Sieg


“hannah montana i want to know some things about you, not really about you but your fetishes actually!
if you do decide to lay your eggs in my severed neck (like you do) check the following that you do and enjoy
[]likes to lay there while people verbally berate you with mabisms and spit on you
[]likes to get socked in the jaw by a overweight baltic man while you touch yourself
[]do you like “watersports”
[]do you like to send nude pictures that i can easily give to the press and ruin you
[]do you think the simpsons should be canceled cause it sucks now a days
[]are you a furry? come on you can tell me
[] and can i buy you a drink. yeah i know your 15 but all the cool kids are doing it, you wanna be cool right?
so get back to me if you can
oh and hannah montanta created AIDS to rule the world and uses her show to turn all the men gay so the population would collapse” -stark And a bonus Mabism! Booya!-D.O.B.


“I’m a girl AND I’m only a year older than her.
That’s her kind of thing, yeah?
I’d gladly give up my head for this plan, which can only end in her downfall.
(You got that kind of audience commitment, A.V. Club?)”-Ellie They certainly don’t, Miss Ellie! Suck it, A.V. Club!-D.O.B.


“I should be her boyfriend because I can save her a lot of money. Specifically, I am not above kicking her in the stomach real hard once a month.” -Glenn


“Hanna–

I ain’t gonn’ be moved on this. Right or wrong, you gonn’ mind me. Like Jesus Christ said, “Imma suffa’ you. IMMA SUFFA’ YOU!” Get yo ass back in my house!”-Lazarus


“I’m an alcoholic sociopath with numerous convictions for aggravated assault and I’m on the sex offenders registry in four states–

Fuck, I think I screwed up. Can I start over?”-J.R. Bob Dobbs No no no, you’re doing fine, keep going. -D.O.B.


“I should be Hannah Montana’s boyfriend because I’m a girl…
Oh, additionally because I’m trained in thrown weapons (axes, spikes, knives), fencing, American Sign Language and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Put those all together, and you get the best date EVER for Hannah Montana! Now, where’s my spinny wheel of doom…”-Mandie Technically everything can be a throw weapon, but we’ll let this slide.-D.O.B.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 21st, 2008 at 2:59 pm and is filed under My 97 Nissan Sentra, Swaim tried to rape a dog, That Bitch Who Plays Hannah Montana, Tina Fey, midnight meat train. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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Sorry, fans: 'Jericho' has been canceled

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- "Jericho," the post-apocalyptic CBS drama whose devoted fans rallied to save it from cancellation, has met its end.

Despite fervent fan support, "Jericho" just didn't attract enough viewers, said CBS.

The show failed to increase its audience and will air its final episode Tuesday, the network said Friday.

"Without question, there are passionate viewers watching this program; we simply wish there were more," CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler said in a statement. "We have no regrets bringing the show back for a second try."

"Jericho," which stars Skeet Ulrich, was canceled last May, triggering a fan protest that deluged the network with about 40,000 pounds of peanuts -- a tribute to the defiant "Nuts!" line uttered by Ulrich's character in the first-season finale.

CBS relented and ordered seven new episodes, which started airing in February.

Networks rarely reverse a show's cancellation, but CBS has proven its flexibility at least once before. In 1983, after "Cagney & Lacey" was canceled and the network was bombarded with protests, the police drama was brought back in 1984 -- and ran successfully until 1988.

The network also likely took into consideration the dent a long hiatus put in the show's viewership.

Last fall, "Jericho" was averaging 10.5 million viewers. When it returned in the spring, it drew about 8.1 million, about a 23 percent decline from the first half of the season. It's been averaging about 6 million viewers in its current run.

Original here

Trent Reznor: Singlehandedly Fixing the Music Industry?

Will new marketing techniques, a la Radiohead's In Rainbows, be able to fix the music industry? Trent Reznor is the latest example that they certainly have a chance.

Earlier this year, Radiohead released their album In Rainbows as a digital download for whatever price one wished to pay for it. Radiohead was lauded as the first to take the steps toward redefining the broken record industry.

However, Radiohead’s manager has also made it known that they probably won’t try a similar marketing strategy again. Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails fame, has decided to take things one step further.

In an interview with the Australia Broadcasting Corporation, Reznor was quoted as saying, “I think the way [Radiohead] parlayed it into a marketing gimmick has certainly been shrewd…if you look at what they did, it was very much a bait and switch, to get you to pay for a Myspace quality stream as a way to promote a traditional record sale.”

It sounds as if Mr. Reznor is not as starry-eyed as seemingly everyone else about Radiohead’s against the grain tactics.

He was further quoted as saying, “…to me that feels insincere. It relies upon the fact that it was quote-unquote ‘first,’ and it takes the headlines with it.”

As a man with well-known and verifiable beef with the record industry, it seems as if Reznor has taken it upon himself to change things.

Reznor is following up his previous viral marketing strategies for Year Zero -- clues hidden in tour merchandise that led fans to fake web sites detailing a post-apocalyptic and desolate United States in the year 2022 and unheard songs on USB drives hidden in NIN concert venues across Europe -- with more tricks that show the depth of his understanding for the future of music.

On March 2, he released Ghosts I-IV, a 36-track instrumental album via the Nine Inch Nail’s web site. The record is available in a variety of ways, either as a free download of the first nine tracks, a $5 download of all 36 tracks, a $10 two CD set, a $75 deluxe edition package and a $300 ultra-deluxe limited edition package which featured a Reznor autograph, along with a variety of other merchandise. The limited edition package has already sold out all 2,500 copies.

It might also be noted that all of the Ghosts downloads came with wallpapers, a 40-page PDF of abstract pictures to go with the albums, and other multimedia. The track are high-quality DRM-free MP3s compressed at 320 kbps. In Rainbows came with nothing other than the tunes and as 160 kbps DRM-free MP3s.

Like any other destitute college student, I downloaded the first nine tracks for free and gave them a listen. Described by Reznor as “music for daydreams,” it sounds a lot like Year Zero slowed way, way down and without voices; it won’t hold your attention for long, but it's good background noise for a pensive acid trip.

In a little over a week, Reznor reported that he made over $1.6 million from Ghosts.

While critics have argued over schematics and implementationof Radiohead’s and Reznor’s nascent business models on a mass scale, it is nice to see someone as skilled as the Nine Inch Nail’s frontman trying something new. The record industry here and overseas has been floundering recently and in need of rescue. The question is, will they be able to learn from Reznor’s success?

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Cool Stuff: The Coolest Movie Theater in Hong Kong

Last week I posted a cool stuff feature on the coolest movie theater on the planet - The Alamo Drafthouse, an independently run theater in Austin Texas. That’s not to say that a huge corporate cinema chain couldn’t create a cool movie theater. /Film Reader George J sent me a tip about this cool looking movie theater in Hong Kong.

The AMC Pacific Place Cinema opened on December 9th 2006 in Hong Kong, China. Refurbished by James Law Cybertecture International, Pacific Place Cinema is on the ground floor of the Pacific Place mall in the Queensway district on Hong Kong Island. The space use to be a two auditorium UA Pacific Place Cinema.

The newly designed space houses 6 theaters, featuring a total of 599 seats. Pacific Place is considered “Asia’s most technologically-advanced cinema”, boasting Hong Kong’s best three-way SRD-EX audio system, and incorporating a bunch of never-seen before solutions. For example, the ticketing box office is no longer enclosed in a conventional glass box, but is instead “more akin to modern sculpture or the lobby of a chic boutique hotel, protruding outwards to skilfully incorporate the technology used to issue tickets.” Tickets range from $50HK ($6.42 American) to$75HK ($9.64 American). You can choose your exact seat online when purchasing your ticket.

“Inside, the walls of the Cybertectured cinema comprises sculptural, organic shapes molded together to form a U-shaped corridor, creating a journey of discovery at the entrances of each cinema auditorium. The cinema’s design has been configured so that from the moment patrons arrive, they are transported to a totally new cinematic experience. An aerodynamic ceiling with a metallic coating carries a river-like pattern which is carried throughout the foyer of the cinema. The same pattern is also reflected on the floor featuring thin stainless steel embedded into the floor to give a directional glance for the audiences to the auditorium. Each theatre offers movie goers the ultimate in design and luxury. The auditorium entrance is marked by a scribed number set into the wall that is lit by LED lighting, with all facets of signage reinterpreted as part of the architecture.”

All of the seats are upholstered with sumptuous French leather, measuring 4 feet wide leaving plenty of leg room to spare. The VIP theatre provides seating for 39 and is rented out for intimate corporate receptions and private parties. The largest theater has 142 seats.

The cinema’s refreshment bar offers freshly imported cheeses from England and Denmark, quality olives, a variety of desserts, more than 10 types of mineral water, from Italy, the U.S., France, and Switzerland (available at the specially-designed Aqua Bar).

I have not had the chance to visit the AMC Pacific Place Cinema, but if I’m ever in Hong Kong, I’ll be sure to check it out. More photos available after the jump.

The Lighting effect inside the ladies’ room of the cinema which gives a feel of infinity by the reflection of mirror.

Cool Stuff is a daily feature of slashfilm.com. Know of any geekarific creations or cool products which should be featured on Cool Stuff? E-Mail us at orfilms@gmail.com.

Original here

10 of the coolest Star Wars videos ever made

Over at The-TrukstoP.com, we had a series of posts called "10 of the coolest Star Wars images ever made" - all of which have been quite popular. The series continues over there, but here at DayoftheJedi.com, it was time to renew the concept with a spin-off series - looking at a different form of online media: videos!

Below you will see a variety of videos - fan made, professionally completed, mashed up, serious, and funny. Here we go:

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1. George Lucas in Love

George Lucas in Love is a spoof of Shakespeare in Love - done with a complete twist of Star Wars. Watch closely and see Lucas' inspirations for the Star Wars series as he faces his final challenge in college.

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2. The Vader Sessions

Many of you have seen the Star Wars/Coming to America mashup that went viral recently - this video, in my opinion, is by far better. It uses dialogue by James Earl Jones from a whole range of his movies; and will have you in stitches - especially when Vader faces Princess Leia for the first time...

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3. Darth Vader being a smartass

Another classic. So simple, yet so perfectly conducted - this quickly became a favorite among numerous Star Wars fans online, and was very popular on a number of MySpace profiles.

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4. The NEW Star Wars Gangsta Rap

We've all seen the original - and here's the new one: the sequel to Star Wars Gangsta Rap. This one is more intense, with more swearing and violence all the way round. Enjoy - but be aware: it may be considered NSFW.

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5. Pink Five

Star Wars Fan Films have been around for years, but it's only been in the last decade that they've been receiving the recognition the filmmakers have been striving for. Pink Five was featured on the AtomFilms Star Wars Fan Film contest, and won the coveted "George Lucas Selects" award in 2003.

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6. RVD2 - Ryan vs Dorkman 2

What began as a simple idea for a high school project evolved into one of the biggest and most famous viral videos online. The original, Ryan vs Dorkman, attained legendary status with millions of views. The sequel above is of no exception to the original: the choreography is superb, and the visual effects are outstanding. One would hope that if George Lucas ever got around to making the Sequel Trilogy, that these guys would be swept up to help with lightsaber choreography!

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7. Obi-Wan Kenobi buys a Used Car

From the BBC show, Deadringers, Obi-Wan Kenobi attempts to secure passage to "Aldershot" - via a meeting with a used car salesman. The hilarity begins from the very start of the video...

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8. Star Wars Kid

No Star Wars video list would be complete without this guy. The video above was, I believe, the first to surface with lightsaber visual effects. For those curious, the Star Wars Kid is, in fact, Ghyslain Raza from Canada. You can read more about how this video became a success at Wikipedia. I remember seeing a petition online to convince George Lucas to cast him in Episode III, but alas, it never came to be...

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9. Star Wars / Coming to America

As mentioned above, here is the Coming to America mash-up - integrating James Earl Jones' lines into the film instead of using Darth Vader's. Quite humorous - A-HAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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10. Star Wars according to a 3-year-old

The most recent viral video related to Star Wars. Listen intently to the most amazing recount of "an exciting movie"... A fantastic video - worth a look; and a lol...

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