Whose Idea Was Beyonce's Shiny Robot Glove?

Leslie Gornstein

Los Angeles (E! Online) – What is that new hand that Beyonce has? Is it a robot hand? Is it superstrong?

--B Fan, Yonkers

See? I told you. The Cylons. They look like us now.

The handpiece you mention--alternately known among fashion reporters as the roboglove, the gling or Anti-Rihanna Death Grip--actually was handcrafted by Beyonce's longtime jeweler, New York-based Lorraine Schwartz. Despite Internet rumors that the piece was fashioned of pure gold--possibly in the legendary Elven forges at Rivendell--it's actually made of...

...titanium!

And, according to sources close to the gling, it's also one of a kind and therefore close to priceless.

More details on the roboglove? Sure.

• Schwartz had her artisans working day and night on the piece, laboring 24 hours a day until it was complete.

• It fits literally like a glove. Beyonce's entire upper arm was cast in wax so that the titanium piece would wrap perfectly.

• It's actually several pieces, including a ring, a glove and a separate component that covers the upper arm. It can be worn all together or separately.

• It looks heavier than it is. Titanium is about 45 percent lighter than steel.

• Beyonce really, really doesn't want to take it off. She wore it on Saturday Night Live. She wore it in her "Single Ladies" video. She wore it in her cover spread for Gotham magazine. She wore it on the red carpet at the MTV Europe Awards.

• The glove was Beyonce's concept all the way, I am told--a "superpower" hand to complement the singer's new Sasha Fierce ego.

Speaking of fierce, the white-hot flame of truth doesn't stop for a turkey. Look for more answers to your burningest Q's later this week.

Got a question about Hollywood? ASK IT: answerbitch@eonline.com

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Family Valewwws: 13 Holiday-Season Films For People Who Hate Their Relatives

By G. Martin

The holiday season is officially upon us. The food, the festivities, the relatives. Feeling nauseous yet? Does spending quality time with the fam fill you with unspeakable levels of fear and loathing? Do you break out in sweaty hives at the very idea of all that forced togetherness and pre-fab merrymaking? If that's the case, take heart, because it could always be worse. No matter what your situation is, these 13 belligerent broods will make yours look positively Rockwellian by comparison. You will be grateful that you're drowning in your own gene pool and not theirs.

13. Parents

What if instead of serving Tom Turkey for Thanksgiving, your mother decided to dish up Tom, your next door neighbor? Living a vegan's worst nightmare, a little boy realizes very quickly that sometimes it's best to keep the origins of "mystery meat" mysterious. So the next time you're bitching about that umpteenth turkey sandwich, just be glad that the protein you're consuming never had arms or a credit card. Guess Chevy Chase and the Griswolds were lucky Randy Quaid ran out of meat that time he had them over for dinner.

12. Friday The 13th

Let's look at this from the Voorhees' perspective, shall we? If some snotty, half-witted counselors let your sorry, deformed ass drown at summer camp, wouldn't you want your mom to dedicate the rest of her life to avenging your death? It's the least she could do. June Cleaver, Claire Huxtable, Maggie Seaver and all those other so-called, "good" mothers aren't worthy of shining Mrs. Voorhees' bloody shoes. So kudos to you, Jason's mom. A family that slays together stays together.

11. Sleepwalkers

It's one thing to have a close relationship with your maternal unit, but it's an entirely different ball of wax once you start sleeping with her. In Stephen King's tale of felonious feline incest, shape-shifting Brian Krause spurns Twin Peaks hottie Madchen Amick for his own mother. Who ever said cats aren't affectionate creatures?

10. What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?

The only situation more unfortunate than being the black sheep of the family is being at the ebony ewe's mercy. As in most cases of violent sibling rivalry, the envious former child star blames her older sister for her life's problems. Considering how the majority of juvenile actors turn out, Baby Jane doesn't actually seem all that maladjusted.

9. Serial Mom

What would be the final straw that would convince you that your mommy was crazy? Her obsessive enforcement of the "no white after Labor Day" rule? The fact that she speaks in a rumbling baritone that gives James Earl Jones a run for his money? Or would it be her habit of killing people for no good reason? Kathleen Turner addresses all these questions and more during her John Waters-inspired spree.

8. The Stepfather

In spite of what The Brady Bunch would have us believe, most stepfamilies go through an awkward adjustment phase at first. Of course, that initial period of discomfort may last a little longer if your new daddy happens to be a homicidal maniac with severe identity issues. As the bizarro Mike Brady, Lost's Terry O'Quinn is a living, breathing (and murdering) endorsement for single moms to remain blissfully unattached.

7. Rob Zombie's Halloween

Providing viewers with a glimpse into Michael Myers' less than ideal upbringing, the lead singer of White Zombie gives us a peek at the boy behind the mask. From his slutty sister to his stripper mama's drunken, live-in boyfriend, The Shape's familial background is straight out of the serial killer's handbook. Then again, if those were your relatives you might be tempted to slaughter them, too.

6. Mommie Dearest

Rarely has the phrase "based on a true story" been more powerful than it is here. Proving once again that it takes more than fame and fortune to make a happy home, Joan Crawford's adopted kids would probably have been better off at the orphanage. And why her daughter couldn't just keep her clothes in a dresser to avoid any possible trouble will always be a mystery.

5. The Hills Have Eyes

Inspired by the real life Sawney Bean clan, this is one family unit that knows how to have a good time as a group. Instead of overeating, getting drunk or watching grown men in tights tackle each other on TV, these merry mutants waylay tourists and kidnap babies. It goes to show that rampant inbreeding not only warps your DNA, but it can also affect your sense of fun.

4. Children Of The Corn

If you happen to be at a Thanksgiving party with a bunch of rugrats this week, make sure to keep a close eye on them. Strange things may be afoot at the kiddie table. Populated by brats who make the Hitler Youth look like Brownies, this cinematic argument against breeding strongly suggests that children are not the future and that the kids are real fucking far from alright.

3. Amityville II: The Possession

Burt Young (aka Paulie, the world's lousiest brother-in-law) shows once again why he is so good at embodying bad relatives. Playing the abusive, wife-beating patriarch of the cantankerous Montellis, Young's paterfamilias not only drives his first born horribly insane, he doesn't even notice that his eldest son and daughter (played by Better Off Dead/Last American Virgin's Diane Franklin are having an incestuous relationship right under his nose. Good thing Paulie never had kids.

2. Pink Flamingos

What's scarier than an overweight, shit-eating transvestite made up like a demented clown? His (or her) family. Starting with Divine's egg-obsessed mother (who happens to sleep in a playpen) and ending with his/her angry, chicken-loving son, it is truly amazing that "The Filthiest Person Alive" isn't even close to being the weirdest character in this twisted, trailer trash tale.

1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Sometimes there is just nothing better than a good, old-fashioned get-together with all your nearest and dearest. Especially when there's human flesh on the menu and an unwilling guest is bleeding and wailing at the head of the table. Nobody throws a dinner party like a cannibal, and if you happen to be dining with the Hewitts, then you are in for an extra special culinary experience. Man: It's what's for dinner.

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The Best Quotes from the New Britney Spears Documentary

By: Michael Swaim

As a blogger, one must become sensitively attuned to some very specific phenomenon. News stories involving nudity, stupid criminals, or–preferably–both. Upcoming holidays that could have inspired “novelty items in poor taste.” Websites featuring those items. And, of course, upcoming documentaries about ailing teen pop sensations.

Britney: For the Record follows Brit for three months, and is part of her sweeping “comeback” effort. I guess after all that footage of her shaving her head, dropping her baby, getting stoned with K-Fed, and being bloated and pitchy at the Grammys (and that’s just one clip), her PR team decided the best way to win back the love of the public was to point a camera at her and just let her go.

Big mistake.

Although the numerous leaks and plants that have preceded the movie’s premiere have held off on revealing what career-killing atrocity Brit has planned for the climax, there’s been enough “real Britney” in the air already to convince me this one’s going to be a winner.

Some pearls of wisdom from Spears herself:

“Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it for the idea of everything.”

“I was a pretty cool chick, and I’m really not that way anymore.”

“My life is worse than a prison sentence.”

“It’s bad. I’m sad.”

This pattern continues until she’s communicating entirely with monosyllabic grunts and lip curls.

I think I’ve already gleaned all the Britney-related information I’m going to get from this documentary. Firstly, that she’s a developmentally stunted woman/girl whose handlers never allowed her to develop a behavioral palette of more than four colors, and secondly, that it’s hilarious to watch her try and express human emotion.

So that you don’t feel the need to actually watch it when it comes out, I’ve taken it upon myself to capture her essence and synthesize what I’m predicting will be the best quotes and moments from For the Record. As an added challenge, I’ve included three real Britney quotes. See if you can sort the fakes from the genuine article.

Britney on the Civil War:

“In the end, I still blame myself, even though I try not to.”

Britney on her comeback:

“I’m coming back like a train, like the biggest train. Woo woooo!”

Britney on Darfur:

“I think it could be a lot worse; people have it a lot worse than I do.”

Britney on the theories of Sir Isaac Newton:

“What goes up, it’s like, sometimes…when I dance, I think it’s almost a spiritual way of—it comes down.”

Britney on her time in the Mouseketeers:

“I let bad people into my life because I was lonely.”

Britney quotes Ralph from The Simpsons:

“I have eaten the purple berries.”

Britney on Obama’s election:

“I heard and I was like thank goodness, because now I didn’t feel so bad about the war where they fought their brothers. The one you mentioned earlier.”

Britney on the Iraq war:

“It was bad. I felt sad. Wait, did I already use that one? Anyway, it’s a song I’m working on. It’s called ‘It Was Bad’ and then in parentheses ‘I Felt Sad.’”

Britney on (and demonstrating) spouting random gibberish:

“Sometimes you don’t need to use words to go through what you need to go through. Sometimes it’s an emotion you need to feel when you dance, that you need to touch. And the only thing that can touch it is when you move a certain way.”

Britney on her place in history:

“Everyone remembers the biggest train, right? I rest my cakes.”

If you guessed 3, 5, and 10, then you were wrong because it was actually 3, 5, and the one about the big train.

God, she loved that big train.

Oh, that reminds me: she dies at the end.

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