Written by Shawn Darnell
We've decided to take a trip down memory lane and find the ten most badass moments in his movie making career.
Arnold. Without even trying to spell his last name, you already know who we're talking about here. Before he became a fiscal conservative, Arnold was a man's man. He was a beer drinking, sword swingin' ass kicking machine of death. He also happened to be the last action real action star. All other pretenders since have failed miserably in comparing to his legendary movie career.
In movie classics like The Terminator, Predator, True Lies and Conan: The Barbarian, Arnold defined the role of “man” for an entire generation.
“Stick around”
In the original Predator movie, Arnold is clearing out a forest of South American rebels, when he decides to kill one with a combination of pun and machete in the gut. I'll let you decide which was more painful.
“Wanna see me kick some ass”
Who hasn't wanted to punch a mall security guard right in the face? Luckily for all of us who don't want to risk jail time to teach those little dweebs a lesson, Arnold has already done so. Numerous times, in fact. In Commando a security guard is trying to impress some big haired chicks when he utters the above words before attacking Arnold. See how well that works below.
“Sue me dickhead”
Sometimes, Arnold was so badass, he didn't even need to lay his hands on something to kill it. Case in point, the scene in Total Recall where he causes a taxi to commit suicide just by insulting it. If I killed somebody everybody I made fun of him, I'd be the worst mass murderer in history. Dick.
“You forgot to say please”
See, Arnold didn't need pants to kick ass back in the day. In T2, he managed to kill a bar full of bikers without even wearing so much as a robo-banana hammock. Note to wannabe tough guys out there. If a naked guy the size of Arnold asks for your jacket, just hand it over before he wants you too.
“Can you believe that”
Arnold lives in California, which as everybody knows, is entirely populated by hippies. I'm sure if his opponent had played this clip of Arnold (as Conan) punching the shit out of a camel, things may have gone a bit differently during his campaign. We might even have Total Recall 2: Even More Mutant Breasts, by now. Shame, that.
“....”
Fuck. Maybe Arnold just doesn't like animals.
“You think I'm funny”
Or mouthy women.
“Let off some steam”
In the end of Commando, Arnold gets shot. To most people, this would be the end of the fight. Not for Arnold. No, he goes three rounds with a mustachioed killer before getting bored and impaling him on a steam pipe he ripped from the wall. Again, he decides to rub salt in the wound by finishing his opponent with a terrible pun.
“Thumbs up”
How radical was Arnold in the early 90's? This radical.
“Come and get it”
The number one most badass Arnold moment ever recorded? In Predator, after his entire unit had been wiped out by an alien life force, he decided on the only logical course of action. Challenge it to a one-on-one fight. Yes, instead of running, Arnold covered himself in mud, lit a branch on fire and basically told the unstoppable killing machine hidden in the forest to kiss his ass.
So, there you have it. Ten reasons why Arnold is more badass then you ever hope to be. Don't feel bad though. When put against Arnold, all men come out looking like weaklings. It's not just you.
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