The Top 10 Most Embarrassing First Major Film Roles

By Kevin Johnston

Everyone wants to be a movie star. The lure of fame, fortune and all the other perks depicted on Entourage is a serious draw for even the strongest among us. So, when aspiring actors get their first shot at the limelight, sometimes their judgment is questionable. Look, we won’t be too hard. We all have embarrassing gigs from our past. It’s just that with these guys, the world is watching.

10. Robin Williams, Popeye, 1980

Like him or not, Williams is one successful son of a bitch. I mean, Disney bought him a fucking Picasso! Now, even if you love this hairy-chested, possibly autistic buffoon, there is still no way you're buying into Robert Altman’s adaptation of our favorite spinach-chomping-sailor cartoon. Paper mache squids, horrible-looking prosthetic arms and Williams' frightening, one-eyed impression of the titular character make this an embarrassment for the ages. The good news is that any profit the actor made from the movie he likely put up his nose.

9. Justin Long, Jeepers Creepers, 2001

Justin Long isn’t a bad dude. He may even be a good actor. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t matter if he was the Robert DeNiro when it comes to this flick (directed, no less, by notorious sex criminal Victor Salva). Horror movies are easy bait when you want to poke fun at someone’s career, but Jeepers Creepers employs every cliché in the book and had even the whitest of audiences yelling at the screen. But the most bewildering result of the film has to be that Long was nominated by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films for his role. Good thing for him that he didn’t win.

8. Jim Carrey, Copper Mountain, 1983

Any young comic trying to climb up the ladder to fame has to figure that the old ski-and-sex combo is a good way to get a foot in the door. It's the kind of goofy fare that lets a guy like Jim Carrey strut his stuff while a parade of boobs strolls by in the background. You tell a few good jokes, someone takes notice and you’re off to the celebrity races. Unfortunately, what Carrey didn’t count on was being paired with Alan Thicke. Even worse than that was the fact that Thicke was playing the cool guy! Wasn’t he already like 60 when this came out?

7. Jamie Foxx, Toys, 1992

Way back before Foxx was a serious actor, or at least before it was deemed racist not to anoint him so, he made some really bad movies. The Academy Award Winner’s first foray onto the silver screen was this less-than-wonderful Robin Williams vehicle. A company helmed by a general that makes colorful war toys didn't turn translate as a clever commentary on society, but seemed closer to an un-aired episode of G.I. Joe.

6. Tim Robbins, Toy Soldiers, 1984

Yes, Mr. Sarandon went on to star in many Oscar-nominated pieces of crap, but this was his first piece of crap, and it didn't even get a nod. Perhaps this story of teenagers captured in Central America who band together with a mercenary to fight their captors is where Robbins first discovered his annoyingly arrogant leftist leanings. While the thespian surely looks back on his whimpering Elmer Fudd impression in Mystic River with pride, there’s no way even he could hold his head high after re-watching this poor man’s Red Dawn (stay tuned next week for our list of what Red Dawn taught us about communists).

5. Jennifer Aniston, Leprechaun, 1993

Aniston might look back fondly on this horror flick, as it’s the last time a guy seemed really into her, but man, oh man, is this a bad one. No one’s expecting much from a movie whose plot revolves around a murderous troll in a green suit, but somehow Aniston’s addition takes away from its cult humor, functioning more as a sad commentary on her depressing film resume.

4. Adam Sandler, Going Overboard, 1989

Sandler has cut out a mostly respectable (and wholly profitable) niche for himself making fun and easy comedies for all audiences. There have been ups and down, but there’s always something you can pull out of his films…except this one. Going Overboard is the story of a young comic hoping to make it big by touring on a cruise ship. It may have worked better as a premise if there was anything actually worth a laugh, but Overboard is so bad that it may have convinced the producers of Boat Trip they could make a more inspired ocean-faring romp. The worst part is they succeeded.

3. Julia Roberts, Satisfaction, 1988

While the premise of an all-girl group rocking out is something that sounds appealing to most guys, the awful overdubs, terrible jokes and general lameness make this one a bitter pill to swallow. Roberts seems like a pretty cool woman, so I’m guessing she’s doesn’t look back with too much regret on this choice. Besides, her biggest lament should have been losing top billing to Justine Bateman.

2. Courteney Cox, Masters Of The Universe, 1987

It’s hard to find something more embarrassing than being married to David Arquette, but Cox has this little treasure in the back of her closet. The '80s were a magical time when Dolph Lundgren almost mattered and He-Man was still cool, but there is no excuse for a movie whose production values are so minimal that it resembles the most expensive porno ever made. At a certain point, you're hoping for people to take their clothes off in every scene just to be distracted from its cheapness… even the ones with Cox.

1. Sylvester Stallone, The Party At Kitty And Stud’s, 1970

While tons of other stars have unfortunate films in their oeuvre (that’s French for imdb profile), most can thankfully claim that they exclude pornography. No such luck for Sylvester Stallone. Because most XXX movies were still shot on film in 1970, and because the outfits are so incredibly over the top, Party actually seems somewhat arty. And while it might also represent Stallone’s best acting, it’s still pretty embarrassing to be paid to screw. Sorry Sly.

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