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Friday, May 16, 2008

The Anime Laws of Physics

I should start this off by saying this list of laws is neither my creation or original idea, however, I feel it is a valid entry to E2 for the following reasons:
  • Those who have not viewed much anime in the past, or read much manga, may be a tad confused by the very liberal approach to physics that Japanese artists tend to take.
  • It should be noted that the laws of physics for anime are quite different than American cartoons, due to different cultural symbolism and sense of humor.
  • The copyright owners have granted permission.
  • It's funny as hell.


So, without further ado...

THE ANIME LAWS OF PHYSICS

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
    The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
    Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
    In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
    In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
    The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
    Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
    'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
    It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
    Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
    Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility
    Everything explodes. Everything.

    First Corollary -

      Anything that explodes bulges first.
    Second Corollary -
      Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
    Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
    There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
    The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

    First Corollary -

      Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility
    No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
    The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

    First Corollary -

      The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
    Second Corollary -
      Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
    Third Corollary -
      Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
    Minmei is a bimbo.
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
    The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
    Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
    Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

    First Corollary -
    (from Adam Barnes)

      Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
    Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
    People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
    Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
    Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

    First Corollary -

      The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
    Second Corollary -
      The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
(from A. Hicks, Tom Williams, and Ben Leinweber)
    The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
(from A. Hicks)
    Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

    1) be female
    2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
    3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
(from Tom Williams)
    Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from Tom Williams)
    The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
(from Tom Williams)
    Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from Tom Williams)
    All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
(from Spellweaver)
    Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
    Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
    *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
#34 - Law of Probable Attire
(from various sources)
    Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

    Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

    Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

    First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -

      All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
    Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
    (from Nyctomania)
      Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
    Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.
#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination
(from Daniel Mikula)
    Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
      1) The Hero/Leader
      2) His Girlfriend
      3) His Best Friend/Rival
      4) A Hulking Brute
      5) A Dwarf/Kid
    Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
      1) Extreme Coolness
      2) Amazing Intelligence
      3) Incredible Irritation
#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
(from Jason Bustard)
    All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

    First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -
    (from Ferdinand Pelayo)

      The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
    Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction
    Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

    First Corollary -

      Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
    When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41 - Law of Xylolaceration
(from Lyndon Harris)
    Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
(from Erin Alia)
    Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia
    There is no Law #43.
#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
    The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
(from R. A. Hubby)
    Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition
(from Conrad Knauer)
Original here

139 Simpson’s Mistakes On Worst. Site. Ever.

simpsons mistakes

Hardcore fans can be quite the conundrum. When you’re going to a sporting event, a raucous crowd can really add a lot to the experience and make the game a lot more exciting. (Except for the wave. That’s a lame pain in the ass.) But they can also suck the fun out of something that’s great, too. Case in point, MovieMistakes.com put together 139 mistakes that have occurred in The Simpsons. Now, if these mistakes were something interesting like “In this scene, Homer’s black,” or “In this scene, there’s a penis hanging out of Lisa’s mouth” I would be all for this. But instead, it’s mostly just random continuity issues where Marge’s shoes are green in one scene and red in the next. Which I could give two shits about (and don’t worry, I have way more than two shits in me at all times.)

simpsons mistakes

See some more after jump:

simpsons mistakes

simpsons mistakes

simpsons mistakes

See the list of all 139 here.

Original here

Free Music: 22 Websites That Are Driving Daggers Into The Heart Of The RIAA

Free Music: 22 Websites That Are Driving Daggers Into The Heart Of The RIAA

Here’s a quick roundup of some of the websites where you can find the music that you love for free. The market for these kind of websites is exploding so it’s definitely not a complete list but it should give you a good start.

1) BeeMP3.com
BeeMP3.com is a mp3 search engine. The BeeMP3 crawler searches through the Net and indexes all the brand new and popular songs. They claim to have over 800,000 mp3 files and are adding 10,000 mp3 files daily.

2) Blip
Blip is a quick way to tell your friends what song you’re into right this minute. You also find out what your favorite people are listening to in real-time — no need to refresh the page. TechCrunch called it “Twitter for music” and that seems like a good description.

3) Critical Metrics
Critical Metrics is a database of highly recommended songs. The site keeps track of awards, hot lists, must lists, 5-star reviews, artist picks, testimonials, select discographies, and other notable on-the-record expressions of love and enthusiasm.

4) Deezer
Based out of France, Deezer offers, free of charge and legally, all kinds of music, from rock to hip-hop, jazz, electro and world music.

5) Free Albums Galore
Free Albums Galore is a full-album “mp3 blog” for listeners of eclectic music. You won’t find a lot of popular artists here, but the site posts only complete albums, not individual or scattered tracks.

6) Free Music Zilla
Free Music Zilla is a tool specialized for social music downloading. It lets you download free music from almost all of the social music services, including many on this list. It is not available for Mac unfortunately.

7) GrooveShark Lite
Grooveshark gives you the ability to find and listen to any song and get personalized recommendations. It has an excellent, easy-to-use interface.

8) Hype Machine
The Hype Machine tracks a variety of MP3 blogs. If a post contains MP3 links, it adds those links to its database and displays them on the front page.

9) Imeem
Imeem is a social network that offers access to a wide range of media including music, video and photos.

10) Internet Audio Archive
The Internet Audio Archive contains over a hundred thousand free digital recordings ranging from alternative news programming, to Grateful Dead concerts, to Old Time Radio shows, to book and poetry readings, to original music uploaded by its users.

11) Jango
Jango allows you to create a custom radio station just by typing in an artist’s name. You get the music you want, along with similar favorites of Jango users who share your taste. You can customize your station by adding more artists and rating songs that you want to play more or less.

12) Last.fm
Last.fm is one of the most popular custom radio sites. It also has social networking features and the ability to choose specific songs for a playlist. Unlike many sites on this list, Last.fm saves some of its best features for premium subscribers who pay a fee for the service.

13) Musicovery
Musicovery is a unique website that lets users choose which songs to play based on things like mood, genre, and musical era. It has a unorthodox interface that shows songs in relation to each other creating a kind of “music map.”

14) Music Search Online
Music Search Online is a mp3 search engine. Each result has a link to listen to the song or download the mp3 to your computer.

15) MuxTape
MuxTape is a simple way to create and share mp3 mixtapes. Anyone who signs up for an account receives their own subdomain (ex. http://samplename.muxtape.com/) which makes it easy to share the collection with friends and family.

16) Pandora
One of the most popular music sites on the Internet, Pandora is great for finding new music. The site’s database has the Music Genome Project at its core which contains in-depth information on each song (up to 400 attributes, including melody, harmony, instrumentation, rhythm, vocals, and lyrics). You can create as many custom radio stations as you want, but you’re not able to play specific songs on demand.

17) SeeqPod
SeeqPod is a media search engine. It allows you to find, play, and enjoy the vast multitude of rich media files and applications available online, including video, audio, slideshows, Adobe Flash files, and more. The interface is somewhat cluttered however. It’s worth noting that SeeqPod’s database is used to power many other music sites, including several on this list.

18) SpiralFrog
SpiralFrog is an ad-supported Web site that offers over 700,000 songs for you to download.

19) Skreemr
SkreemR is a search engine for locating mp3 files on the web. They have a feature called AudioRank which helps suggest the version of each song with the highest quality.

20) Slacker
Slacker is a custom radio station site with an emphasis on letting people access their stations in many different places.

21) Songerize
Songerize is a simplified interface for the SeeqPod music search engine. The site describes itself as “SeeqPod’s ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ button”, which is about right. You can get to the song you want to hear very quickly, all you need to do is enter the song title and the artist name.

22) Songza
Songza is a music search engine with the ability to create playlists and ranks results by quality. It has one of the best user interfaces of all the websites on this list.

Original here

Harrison Ford confident about new Indiana Jones

Harrison Ford confident in Indiana Jones
THE bloggers are sceptical about the new 'Indiana Jones', but Harrison Ford's told us: "Having seen the finished product, I feel very confident." Photo gallery: Behind the scenes |
Video: See the IJ4 trailer | Cannes Special l

It's been almost 20 years since he last wore the crumpled fedora, but Harrison Ford was not suffering from any last-minute nerves in the lead up to the world premiere of Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in Cannes.

"Having seen the finished product, I feel very confident,'' he told The Daily Telegraph this week.

"Now as to whether the audience will find something that I didn't see .. well, that's possible. But I have the feeling we're in pretty good shape.''

Gallery: See the action in front of the camera and behind here

While the film isn't scheduled to be publicly seen until Monday Sydney time, at a red carpet premiere attended by Ford, Steven Spielberg, Cate Blanchett and Shia LaBeouf, reviews of the film began cropping up on the Internet late last week, sparking a plea by Paramount Pictures and director Steven Spielberg for reviewers to not spoil key plot points of the franchise's fourth instalment.

Watch the trailer to IJ4 here

So far, the reviews have been mixed. One particularly damning critique on aintitcoolnews.com, said: "This is the Indiana Movie that you were dreading.''

Another, however, praised the film for action sequences that hark back to the franchise's origins in 1981.

Sydney audiences will be able to make up their minds for themselves when the film opens on May 22.
Original here

Juno Director Goes UP IN THE AIR

UPDATED! I just got off the horn with Jason Reitman's publicist. She did in fact confirm that Jason is adapting the book but that no deal is YET in place for him to direct.

El Mayimbe here with another Latinoreview exclusive…

A little over a month ago, Larry Carroll over at MTV Movies Blog got some clues about Jason Reitman’s next book adaptation. You can read that story “HERE

Anyway, Reitman went on to say the following…

“Yeah, I’m writing something,” he grinned, cryptically. “I’m going to direct it at the end of the year. And no, I haven’t told anyone what it is yet.” After a few minutes of poking and prodding, we finally got the Oscar-nominated “Juno” and “Thank You for Smoking Director” to cough up a wee bit more.

“It’s a comedy and a drama [book adaptation],” he revealed. “Think ‘Thank You for Smoking,’ but instead of political it’s corporate.”


After confirming with my sources, here is the book Reitman is working on which looks to be his next film…

UP IN THE AIR by Walter Kirn

upintheairbook

Makes sense because you know who owns the rights to Kirn’s novel and is also exec producing? Jason’s dad - Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters) over at Montecito Pictures. Sheldon Turner did a draft of the book adaptation a while back which Ivan Reitman picked up as a spec script back in 2003. Walter Kirn’s other novel THUMBSUCKER was made into a movie back in 2005.

So what’s it about?

One of Amazon’s best books for 2001, Up In The Air is considered a brilliantly diverting novel that peers deeply into the world of modern business and it sometimes debilitating effects on the human soul.

Ryan Bingham’s job as a Career Transition Counselor – he fires people – has kept him airborne for years. Although he despises his line of work, he has come to love the culture of what he calls, “Airworld,” finding contentment within pressurized cabins and anonymous hotel rooms. With a letter of resignation sitting on his boss’s desk, and the hope of a job with a mysterious consulting firm, Ryan Bingham is agonizingly close to his ultimate goal, his Holy Grail: one million frequent flier miles. Kirn takes on the corporate world's weirdly mystical and paranoid side, its rhetoric of personal empowerment and its messianic devotion to gurus.

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Original here