By Daniel Murphy
As the economy slides into recession and the U.S.A.’s stranglehold on the title of “ruler of the known and unknown Universe and any potential free trade therebetween” slides from its grasp, Americans are left wondering: Are we good at anything anymore?
And the answer is no, not really. We’re spread so thin right now that it’s hard to dominate any one facet of modern life. Japan's cornered the market on perversion and technology, China's winning the population battle, and with the dissolution of Miramax, South America's emerging as the place for poignant independent films. Good news, though: We still have more Starbucks than the rest of the world combined. That counts for something.
We also have a nice sense of humor. Not about ourselves, mind you, but we've got making fun of other countries down to an I’m-rubber-you’re-glue science. Which is pretty good news, because when you see videos like this you’re just happy that even though we elect our idols with text message votes, we have laws against most of this stuff to prevent it from happening here.
Dutch Singer + Molestation
No need to understand what he’s singing about, because he’s speaking the universal language of child abuse. It’s like one of those public service announcements from the ’80s: “I was doing a lyrical Dutch comedy sketch with my uncle, but then it turned icky.” Obviously the laws in the Netherlands about these kinds of things are much different. Like, “It’s only illegal if it isn’t set to music.” Problem solved!
Germany + Lionel Richie
This video perfectly encapsulates all that is good and all that is evil about the Internet. Yes, you can dig up videos of Lionel Richie singing his greatest hits while sucking down helium for a few German laughs. But at the same time, this is exactly why no modern-day celebrities will ever do this kind of crazy shit. You think a huge star like R. Kelly is going to make a video of him peeing on an underage girl when he knows that it’s somehow going to find its way to the Internet? Never!
Japanese Band + Cats
You know, if you’ve been paying attention to the World Wide Web for the past couple of years, this video just isn’t surprising. It’s like, “Oh, another Japanese band of cats?” But then you catch a glimpse of the drummer and you understand why Japan is still the unequivocal champion of WTF cyber-content. I mean, a drumming cat is one thing, but HITLER THE DRUMMING CAT? Truly amazing.
Korean Drummer + Awesome
Speaking of drummers -- keep an eye on the drummer in this video. You can’t possibly have anything against this dude except being completely jealous that his life so much fucking better than yours. You could be wheelbarreling a supermodel offstage right while watching the Super Bowl and this guy would still be having more fun than you. Either that, or Korean acid really is that much better than American.
British Singer + Sheep
Psyche, meet your worst nightmare: Adrian Munsey, British...musician? Shepherd? Who the hell knows. But before you go making fun of the guy, consider two things: One, he does one hell of a sheep impersonation, and two, maybe, just maybe, we don’t get it because he’s more advanced than us. Because in a dream one night he saw that the future of musical instruments was farm animals. But the animals weren’t ready for it either, so he was forced to do it himself. OK, he’s probably schizophrenic.