WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?? Why aren’t you at the local movie theater? What the heck is it that people pack these places during the summer when it is stinking hot and there’s plenty of outdoor activities to take advantage of, yet at the first sign of fall people run like hell from the theaters?!
Probably, no doubt, because Hollywood is driving people away with what they are serving up at the moment. This week, of course, they served up very little: one freaking new movie. And I know it’s back-to-school, and there are still people fleeing hurricanes and the like (the entire east coast was hit by tropical storm Hanna this weekend). And football season is on everywhere. But let’s face it: it’s easy to come up with an excuse not to go to the movies if the flicks being served up are so dog-awful.
The top flick in the land was the lone new release this week: Nicolas Cage’s piece of junk Bangkok Dangerous. Yet it only made something like $7.8 Million. Not even eight freaking million dollars for a first-place movie!! Now that really is sad, folks. A showing like that makes the whole movie industry look like it’s in a depression.
This is definitely the worst weekend of the year at theaters so far. In fact, I’ve read this is the worst weekend at the box office in seven years.
What do you expect, though, when studios treat late August and early September as a dumping ground for all the crap movies that didn’t test well with audiences?! They’re basically conceding defeat before they even start! No wonder there’s no one paying these inflated movie prices, then, If that’s how Hollywood views the early fall period.
Here is how Rotten Tomatoes rated these latest bird-turd releases that rolled out the last three weeks. Bangkok Dangerous: 12 percent. Babylon A.D.: 7 percent. The House Bunny: 39 percent. Traitor: 53 percent. Death Race: 39 percent. Disaster Movie: A big, freaking zero percent!!! Now, Hamlet 2 did get 62 percent, but that was it. One freaking movie rated as “fresh” among the wide releases. No WONDER everyone is staying home.
If you want to see any movies that have a hope of being good, there’s always the Toronto International Film Festival, where everyone from Brad Pitt to Paris Hilton is hanging out. That’s the one place in North America where theaters are packed for these Oscar contenders.
Having been there before, though, I can say with certitude that not all these theaters in Toronto are packed. Some of these art-house and foreign flicks play to pretty empty houses. But the gala flicks all pack the joint.
At least there is SOME place on earth where people are still excited about the movies, instead of totally repelled. Seven freaking million for the top domestic box office movie: that is a joke, folks. Summer is DEFINITELY over and in the grave.
The grim final numbers from this joke of a weekend at theaters:
|1. Bangkok Dangerous||$7.8 million|
|2. Tropic Thunder||$7.5 million|
|3. The House Bunny||$5.9 million|
|4. The Dark Knight||$5.7 million|
|5. Traitor ||$4.6 million|
|6. Babylon A.D. ||$4.0 million|
|7. Death Race||$3.6 million|
|8. Disaster Movie||$3.3 million|
|9. Mamma Mia!||$2.7 million|
|10. Pineapple Express ||$2.4 million|
So that about wraps up this dismal weekend. What else is there to add? Everyone has flown the coop. The cinema multiplex is a sad place to be these days.
There’s nowhere to go but up, right? Check back later this week for what is sure to be a big weekend with lots of new flicks on the way here at the Reject Report.