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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Worst 7 Bond Girls

Worst Bond Girls Denise RichardsWe all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.

But even Bond's quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it's all for Queen and country.

Plus one is called Goodhead.

7. Lois Chiles

Holly Goodhead in Moonraker (1979)

Let's face it, the only thing memorable about this boring former model is her name. Possibly the worst actress ever to appear in a Bond film, we're not sure even Roger Moore took to her. She looked good in a spacesuit, though.

6. Lynn-Holly Johnson
Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only (1981)

One question: Why have they cast a 14-year-old annoying girl as a Bond Babe? We can't even remember if she dies in the film. We hope she did.

5. Britt Ekland

Mary Goodnight in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Now, there's no doubt that Britt Ekland is a beautiful and sexy woman. But her performance as the bumbling Mary Goodnight was a real turn-off. Sure, she has the looks and certainly the bikini, but she is totally braindead and lacks spunk. She's even scared of that French dwarf, for God's sake. The final insult is when Bond kicks her out of bed for bloody Maud Adams!

4. Maud Adams
Octopussy in Octopussy (1983) and Andrea Anders in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Quick question: If you are going to pick a Bond girl to appear in two films, which one would you pick? Ursula Andress? Honor Blackman? Ok, so where did Maud Adams, the bland Swedish model-actress killed halfway through The Man With The Golden Gun, appear? Last? Yep, she was pretty much last on our list too. We just don't get it. She isn't even that attractive. Was she boning Roger Moore?

3. Karin Dor
Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice (1967)

Quick note to Bond producers and casting directors: never pick a Bond girl that even the average Joe would hesitate over bedding. Seriously, even the red-blooded males at Hecklerspray Towers would need a couple of pints in us before we even thought lying back and thinking of England. She didn't live long either. The piranhas gobbled her up faster than Bond did.

2. Denise Richards
Dr Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough (1999)

Casting Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is possibly the worst decision ever. In fact, the whole point of her being in the film, apart from prancing around with just a flimsy top and hot pants, was the final pay off line. You know the one, something about 'Christmas coming twice a year' or something.

1. Tanya Roberts
Stacey Sutton in A View to A Kill (1985)

Isn't it amazing that the worst Bond girls appear in the worst Bond film. Well, A View to A Kill Is the worst Bond film, and Tanya Roberts is the worst Bond girl of the lot. The former Charlie's Angel spent most of the film screaming and whining in a really high-pitched voice. Oh, and we are supposed to believe she is a geologist. Yeah, right!



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