Nearly two decades have passed since the fun loving, swash-buckling, scruffy looking, snake fearing, nerf herding, Harrison Ford graced the silver screen with amicable characters like Han Solo and Indiana Jones. I’m pretty sure the last time we saw him genuinely smile (sarcastic grins don’t count) on camera was when Princess Leia said those three magic words: “He’s my brother.” What happened, Harrison? Your films have grossed over $6 billion at the worldwide box office, you’re ranked the #3 biggest American movie star behind Eddie Murphy and Tom Hanks, you were in the Guinness Book of World Records as the “Richest actor alive,” AND you have a spider named after you. So why the long face? Why is Harrison Ford so damn grumpy? Let’s find out shall we?
1. Because everyone says he is.
2. Hollywood keeps stealing his wife and/or his family.
In an interview with Harrison he describes acting as the ability to “figure out the mechanisms to create belief, behavior that the audience recognizes as cues for how they would feel if they were in the circumstances.” Imagine every time you went to work you had to make people believe your family has been kidnapped or your wife has been murdered. By the end of the week you’d be downright suicidal!
3. When a tree falls in a forest, it makes the sound of hair being ripped from his chest.
4. Two divorces and four little Fords
After Star Wars and before his engagement to Calista Flockhart, Ford lived through two failed marriages. And not the typical one-month, married today divorced tomorrow Hollywood-style marriages, either, where the emotional damage can be softened with a few beers and some deep dish pizza. He was married to Mary Marguadt for 15 years, producing two kids, Benjamin and Willard. He then moved on to Melissa Mathison for another 20, with two more little ones, Malcom and Georgia. I guess he saves the “I’ll die for my family” attitude for the big screen.
5. Years of repressed wedgie rage.
When Ford was a kid he was very shy and would often get beatings from his classmates. A firm believer in non-violence, he would never fight back and would bottle his rage up for years. He suffered from depression in college, describing his own performance as “Sloth,” until he was expelled in his final year. Thank God he discovered acting, where he was able to overcome his fears and where he was able to beat the crap out of bullies for the next 40 years!
Last but not least…
7. Still gets bullied today
Harrison, if you’re looking to pick up your mood, maybe check what you raked in for some of your films.
American Graffiti (1973) - $500/week
Star Wars (1977) $650,000
Clear and Present Danger (1994) $1,000,000
Patriot Games (1992) $9,000,000
Presumed Innocent (1990) - $12,500,000
The Devil's Own (1997) - $20,000,000
Air Force One (1997) - $22,000,000
Six Days Seven Nights (1998) - $20,000,000
Random Hearts (1999) - $20,000,000
What Lies Beneath (2000) - $20,000,000
K-19: The Widowmaker (2002) - $25,000,000 + 20% of the Gross