Do we really need to see a grown man truffle shuffle?
That’s the question that has been buzzing around in our heads for the past few hours after news that there’s a distinct chance that the Goonies 2 film, rumoured for so very long, is actually in the early stages of real, bona-fide production.
And if the sources are to be believed, this isn’t a case of The Lost Boys 2: Straight To DVD And Missing The Point Of The First Completely - this is something Warner Brothers want to actually try and get right.
So how do we feel about that? Well, I would say we have mixed emotions.
See, everyone remembers The Goonies - it’s one of those films that everyone claims as their own, or that everyone claims defined their childhood in some way.
Kind of like Stand By Me, but with less River Phoenix. It just had a huge effect on so many young lives, older lives, middling lives and lives that came about later on - it’s a timeless classic. We’ll admit to that. We will - see? We just did it.
The fact that there have been rumours floating about regarding the possibility of a Goonies sequel for so long is sure to get anyone’s hackles up and turn them into the defensive wall of fury, angrily denying that anything will come about from any of this.
And we would never take that away from you - please feel free to shout, scream and generally be twits in the comments section below.
But when you pick up on news that says Warner Brothers are pushing the sequel as a big-budget blockbuster (and remember, this is the studio that released The Dark Knight, officially the best film ever), you start to take notice.
In fact, a source close to the project has told Moviehole that a team of writers are already working on a script and that some of the actors from the original film will be involved.
So how do we feel about the real prospect of a Goonie sequel? Well, taking such a cherished childhood memory and giving it a massive makeover, bringing the sequel to a whole new audience and churning millions of dollars into it could just result in this situation: you sit in the cinema, the film starts, it’s one and a half hours comprising of nothing but a turd staring back at you, steaming away on screen and stinking up the theatre.
Your heart is broken.
Your childhood is ruined.
You lose all respect for Corey Feldman… wait - is that possible?
Nevertheless, hecklerspray awaits with baited breath for any further news on the matter.
When the movie does eventually come about we’ll be sure to decry it, lambast it and generally rip on it. Because let’s be honest here - we want it to be good, but there’s little chance The Goonies 2 will be anything more than fecal matter on a stick.